BIEN-ÊTRE

Derrière les photos époustouflantes de cette yogi, un dur combat contre la dépression

«Le yoga m’a permis de me sentir à nouveau en sécurité. C’est un endroit de paix et d’acceptation de soi. »

23/11/2017 08:55 EST | Actualisé 23/11/2017 10:31 EST

Ses membres s'entrecroisent autour de son corps, pour créer des formes géométriques bercées par une lumière douce. Sur internet, les photos époustouflantes d'Heidi Williams rencontrent un large succès.

Suivie par plus de 113.000 personnes sur son compte instagram, cette yogi a également touché de nombreux utilisateurs de la plateforme Reddit. Un de ses clichés, posté ce jeudi 23 novembre, a reçu près de 24.000 "points" en moins d'une demie-journée.

At some point I finally just said "fuck it" and started creating the way I wanted to. 📷@kariannphoto

Une publication partagée par heidiwilliams89 (@heidiwilliams89) le

Sur Instagram, Facebook, ou son site, cette coach bien-être partage de nombreux clichés d'elle, adoptant différentes poses de yoga - nue ou habillée, en intérieur comme sur les plages ou dans les forêts de l'Utah.

Mais derrière la beauté des photographies se cache un parcours de vie douloureux. Des agressions sexuelles. Des viols. Après avoir en 2013 failli perdre son enfant de six mois, miraculeusement réanimé par les secours, elle a fait une tentative de suicide, comme elle en témoignait en octobre 2016 dans Le HuffPost américain.

Après cette épreuve, cette mère ne pouvait s'empêcher de surréagir face au moindre cri ou à la moindre plainte de son enfant, bien qu'il aille parfaitement bien. Après plusieurs mois, elle a consulté un psychologue, qui lui a diagnostiqué une dépression sévère, de l'anxiété et un syndrome de stress post-traumatique.

Elle a alors décidé, en plus d'être accompagnée par un professionnel, de changer de mode de vie. C'est à ce moment qu'elle a découvert le yoga. "C'était la première fois en 18 mois que je me disais, 'oh mon dieu, j'existe'", se rappelle-t-elle.

A couple months ago, I was going through one of the most stressful experiences of my life. It was a particularly bad day and my anxiety was starting to get out of control. So I went on a walk. While I was walking I suddenly got a whiff of the lavender bush next to me. I stopped, picked some, held it up to my nose and inhaled deeply. Instantly, my muscles relaxed, my adrenaline calmed and my mind came to a stand still. I turned to my husband and said "Holy shit. I need this in my life!" I picked a bunch more and brought them home with me. I smelled those lavender sprigs every time I felt the anxiety coming on and every time I had the same reaction. Stillness. It became my new obsession. It was like yoga in a bottle. After several weeks of stashing lavender sprigs everywhere, I decided to call my friend who is an essential oil expert. I told her " I think I need some essential oils." She also knew about my journey with emotional trauma and said "I had a feeling you were going to call at some point. And I have the perfect kit for you. It's called the emotional aromatherapy kit, and it's designed to help balance emotions and is effective for emotional trauma as well." Having just experienced what I did with the lavender sprigs, I was all for it. I ordered my kit immediately. You guys... these oils are insane. I only wish I wasn't so new to them. That I would have had access to these oils when I first started my healing journey. in a nutshell: Inhaling the therapeutic oils DIRECTLY affects the part of our brain that stores emotions (the amygdala) as well as the part that controls our stress levels and hormone balance. These oils are my God sends and my go-to's throughout the day. They have been unbelievably effective for dealing with the roller coasters of anxiety and depression. I love these oils as much as I love my yoga and meditation practice. If you are interested in recommendations or getting the same kit I got- which I highly recommend: *email me at hw89essentailoils@gmail.com and follow my new essential oils page: * @hw89essentialoils Where I will be posting an oil a day and the emotional benefits of it.

Une publication partagée par heidiwilliams89 (@heidiwilliams89) le

"C'est dans l'enfer d'un état mental fragilisé par les épreuves que j'ai trouvé le yoga et la grâce" témoignait-elle auprès du magazine Mantra Yoga + Health. "Le yoga m'a permis de me sentir à nouveau en sécurité. C'est un refuge de paix et d'acceptation de soi."

Sur son compte Instagram comme sur son blog personnel, elle évoque ainsi les violences vécues, ses anxiétés, et explique comment elle fait face à toutes ces épreuves. "Je partageais mon récit sur Instagram et beaucoup de personnes réagissaient en disant: 'personne n'en parle'", expliquait-elle au HuffPost américain. "Ces photos sont devenues mon propre art thérapeutique", poursuivait la yogi.

Sur ces clichés, elle assume sa nudité pour assumer toutes ses imperfections, pour "raconter mon histoire sans la falsifier", écrit-elle. Elle témoigne aussi sans le moindre fard de ses agressions, en détaillant comment elle a pris conscience d'avoir été violée par son ex-petit ami. "Je ne savais pas s'il avait fait quoi que ce soit de mal", raconte-t-elle, jusqu'à ce qu'elle en parle à son mari.

Mais au-delà de témoigner, elle veut aussi aider les autres. La yogi a ainsi créé un groupe de soutieno pour s'exprimer en toute sécurité, et organise des retraites pour combattre la dépression à travers le yoga. Cette pratique "permet de passer de la peur, de l'anxiété et de la dépression à l'amour", déclarait-elle au HuffPost américain.

Face à des troubles psychologiques, il ne faut pas rester seul, insiste Heidi William. "La guérison n'est pas seulement possible, elle est aussi obligatoire."

Are you barely breathing and calling it life? Are you hardly eating, pretending to survive? Are you living your life out of guilt, fear and shame? Do you know who you are? Do you know your own name? If no one was watching, if nobody knew would you still do the things that you do? When the people are gone and the pressure is off Are you still as hard? Or are you tender and soft? Do you see yourself in the blossoming flowers? Do you hear yourself in earths monsoon showers? Go look in the mirror, right in your eyes i want you to get it, i want you to realize The only words that matter, the only words that are true are "I AM ENOUGH, and so are you." Photographer: @kariannphoto Hair: @styled_by_carolynn

Une publication partagée par heidiwilliams89 (@heidiwilliams89) le

Part 3 of 3... I lived (not really) like this for a year. When I came to the realization that I wasn't safe. Silas wasn't safe. I had grown to resent him. I hated being a mom and I couldn't live like this anymore. With tears rolling down my cheeks I told Dev I needed to leave. Dev. My dev. He was my rock. My lifeline. The only thing that kept me breathing during this time. How could I leave this man that i loved so much? He was my everything. I couldn't imagine life without his constant support. I would crumble. But what choice did I have? I was like an uncontrollably beast when I was triggered. And he wasn't there most of the time when it happened. He knew it too. He had seen it happen a few times and knew I wasn't ok either. So in the saddest, defeated tone he said "ok. But Heidi my love, before you leave me, will you try just one more thing?" Of course I would do anything at this point to be able to stay. Exhausted and with tears rolling down my cheeks, I responded "yes. .of course." He told me he wanted me to get a gym membership. He knew I needed time away from Silas to heal and he wasn't old enough for preschool. But the gym would care for babies for up to 2 hrs a day. So I agreed. That day I went and signed up. The class that was available was a yoga class. Oh my goodness... You guys. I had forgotten what peace felt like. I had forgotten what I felt like. It was the first time I felt a complete removal of the monster inside. I felt the first few beats of the heart that had died a year previous. I felt alive and I felt hope. I started my path to healing that day. Yoga literally saved my life. It brought me to a place of safety to be able to find a way to heal my PTSD. Which I did and that is another story.

Une publication partagée par heidiwilliams89 (@heidiwilliams89) le

Ce texte a été publié originalement dans le HuffPost France.

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