Bill Maher

Donnie Dorko

2013-02-09T12:34:02-05:00

New Rule: Now that he's suing me for five million dollars because he says he's proved that he is not the love child of an orangutan, Donald Trump must learn two things: What a joke is, and what a contract is.

Now, let me catch you up on how all this got started: during the last week of the presidential campaign last year, Donald Trump, who previously had been a one issue candidate obsessed with Obama's birth certificate, announced that he would give five million dollars to charity if Obama produced his college records -- because a black guy getting into college? Something fishy there.

So, playing on the fact that the only other thing in nature with the same color hair as Trump's is the orange haired orangutan, I joked that Donald Trump needed to show me his papers to prove he wasn't hiding a bad secret about his birth -- this is known as "parody," and it's a form of something we in the comedy business call a "joke." Naturally, I also aped, if you will, Trump's offer of money to a charity of his choosing, which I identified as the Hair Club for Men. This upset the Donald so much they could barely get him to stop flinging his feces.

Now, public figures of course don't always like everything that's said about them, but that's how we roll here in America -- just like we're the gun country, we're the joke country; we love our free speech, and we love celebrities getting taken down a peg, so Don should just suck it up like everyone else does.

But not Trump -- his lawyer Scott Balber sent me a letter -- I shit you not this is real -- that says:

"Attached hereto is a copy of Mr. Trump's birth certificate, demonstrating that he is the son of Fred Trump, and not an orangutan."

Do these morons even know it's impossible for people and apes to produce offspring?

So, I ignored the letter like I ignore all letters I get from crazy people, and I forgot about the whole thing until this week, when Trump and his lawyer actually sued me for the five million -- and don't forget, this is not a libel case. They seem to be trying to set a bold new precedent that jokes on late night talk shows are now legally binding agreements between the comedian and the person they're making fun of. Yeah, I'm sure this'll go all the way to the Supreme Court.

The legal system in this country is not a joke -- it's not a toy for rich idiots to play with. And frankly, what they released raises more questions than it answers -- at least it does to a growing chorus of patriotic Americans who call ourselves "Apers" and we're just asking questions!

Questions like -- well, what they put out: It's the short form "Certification of Live Birth," not a birth certificate. It was clearly made on a dot-matrix computer printer and includes a scannable bar code, two technologies that were hardly around in 1946. Where's the original, long-form certificate? Because a short-form copy of a birth certificate unsigned by an attending physician isn't proof of anything. You know who I learned that from?

I learned that from Donald "But I'm White" Trump, who wouldn't accept the exact same document from the president.

But remember who we're dealing with here: a man who, for a little extra publicity, will happily keep alive a debate over whether his family reunions are held at the zoo.

Won Direction

2012-11-21T20:05:29-05:00

Cross-posted on HBO's Real Time With Bill Maher site.

New Rule: Now that he's been reelected, President Obama must get back at all those right wing hacks who tried to paint him as an angry black man pushing a liberal agenda by becoming an angry black man who's pushing a liberal agenda.

Now, I have been mostly holding my tongue about the president this past season, because I didn't want to muddy the waters in a country where you only get two choices, but Mr. President, there are two ways to look at your 51 to 48 percent victory: One is, we love you. The other is, we like you three percent better than Mitt Romney. And by the way, let us never speak that name again... Mitt... let it be a dark and buried memory of a close call with a creature equal parts pure evil and excellent posture, like getting dry humped in a crowded subway by Roger Moore.

I like this president. In all those secret strategy meetings we had, with me and him and George Soros and The New Black Panthers, I found him to be very agreeable, Allah be praised. But it's now the job of progressives to hold his feet to the fire for causes important to us. If not now, when?

There's no third term, Mr. President, so you may as well throw caution to the wind, 'cause it's not like we're using it to produce energy. Yes, clean energy, that's just one of many issues, like civil liberties, the drug war, the drone war, the war war, gun control -- that have been on my mind these last four years, and let's just say I've been waiting to exhale. And by that I mean, I've been holding my nose.

But you're free now -- with no more elections to win, you are free to never again have to kiss the ass of coal miners and say the words "clean coal." There is no such thing as "clean coal." It's like saying "Internet Privacy" or "Tea Party Intellectual." Or "Fox News Journalist."

Another priority should be cutting the defense budget -- we're the home of the brave, let's prove it by getting by with one less submarine. Yes, we were involved in a struggle against a radical enemy bent on our destruction -- but the election is over, and we need to recognize that America has the same problem with the defense budget that Mrs. Petraeus has with her husband's penis: it's swollen, and we can't bring ourselves to touch it.

And as far as Afghanistan goes, I know you said we're leaving in 2014, but look at it this way: enemies are always on guard for a surprise attack, but they'd never suspect a surprise retreat. Really. We can leave right away. Because we've figured out something the Afghans haven't: air travel.

And as long as we're ending wars, how about the War on Drugs? Two states, Colorado and Washington, have actually legalized pot now, which gives you as president the rare opportunity to improve the world by doing... absolutely nothing. Just tell Eric Holder to stay the hell out of Boulder, and if the conservatives bitch about it, throw states' rights back in their face -- isn't that their big theme, send it back to the states, the will of the people? Well, this is the people who, in those two states on election day, got up off the couch and drove their 1987 Toyota Tercel with the "Visualize World Peace" sticker on the back to the polls, and voted to stop the drug war. And then drove home and got back on the couch.

And finally, instead of rewriting Social Security, how about rewriting the Patriot Act? How about another look at rendition, and warrantless searches and wire taps? And how about stop listening in on our phone calls and reading our e-mails. I'm not a teenager and you're not my mom, ok? And besides, there's a better way to confirm your suspicions that I'm smoking weed and hanging around the wrong people: just watch my show.

Real Time With Bill Maher returns with new shows on Friday, January 18th on HBO.

My New Rule for Todd Akin and the Republican Party

2012-08-24T08:40:39-04:00

New Rule: If your entire party tries to get rid of you, and you stay in, you can't talk about how easy it is for a woman to push a stupid prick out of her body.

I don't want to waste another second thinking about Todd Akin, and his theory that you can't get pregnant unless your eggs are asking for it. Here's the only thing you need to know about Todd Akin and human anatomy: he's an asshole. What I want to talk about is how it's not a coincidence that the party of fundamentalism is also the party of fantasy. When I say religion is a mental illness, this is what I mean: it corrodes your mental faculties to the point where you can believe in tiny ninja warriors who hide in vaginas and lie in wait for bad people's sperm.

Evangelicals might like to pretend that the magical thinking that they indulge in at home doesn't affect what they do at the office, but it absolutely does. The brain that believes in angels and miracles and Jesus riding a dinosaur is trained to see the world not as it is, but as you want it to be.

Republicans would like to pretend like Congressman Akin's substitution of superstition for science is a lone problem but it's not: they're all magical thinkers, on nearly every issue. They don't get their answers on climate change from climatologists, they get them from the Book of Genesis. Hence Sharia Law in America is a dire threat, and global warming a hoax.

Or take the issue that consumes the right these days, our sea of red ink: Republicans are united in their fervent desire to reduce the deficit, but they want to do it in some magical fashion that doesn't involve raising taxes or cutting any spending. When given a choice in polls between these two options, a majority of Republicans check "none of the above" as a way to reduce the deficit. That's like deciding to pay off your student loans by daydreaming.

Or as it's known on Capitol Hill, supply-side economics. Remember that magic beans theory? That you actually bring in more revenue by bringing in less? Ronald Reagan believed it. But at least back in the '80s it was new. The thing is, we tried it, and it doesn't work. Yet, Paul Ryan, who every shit-for-brains pundit in America keeps telling us is a "serious" guy, still believes in the supply-side theory. All the Republicans do. They all believe in something that both science and history have shown to be pure fantasy. The symbol for their party shouldn't be an elephant -- it should be a unicorn.

Paul Ryan is their tough guy on spending but he doesn't want to touch defense -- that's right, a budget hawk who doesn't think there's anything bloated about the Defense Department's budget. It's like being a health inspector and finding nothing wrong with the Asian place that has the chicken hanging in the window. This is how low we've put the bar for political courage -- that you can just write, "I want a pony" in a binder and call it the "Plan For Restoring Vision For the Future of America's Greatness" or some shit, and then everyone has to refer to you as the serious one in Congress. It reminds me of health care. Republicans are for all the popular things, like covering people with pre-existing conditions, but they're not for the part where you pay for it, like the mandate. Just like they were for our recent wars, but not for paying for them. For the prescription drug bill, but not for paying for it.

How do they get away with it? They know that, because we're already such a religious country, our minds are primed for magical, fantasy thinking. The gullibility comes factory-installed. They've learned that you appeal not to an American's head, but to his gut -- it's a much bigger target. But here's the problem: life is complicated. I mean, I know we know some things for sure, like why Jesus put us here on Earth: to watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo on a 50-inch TV screen. But what about the Chinese slaves who made the TV? What about carbon from the coal that generated the electricity? What about the Walmart where we bought it, where the workers don't have health insurance? What about racism, or the oceans turning into nail polish remover? The grown-up answer is: identify problems scientifically, prioritize and solve. The Republican answer is: there isn't a problem. And anyone who tells you different is a liar who hates America. We don't have to make hard choices. We just have to ignore the science and the math -- that's why God gave us values.

If rape babies throw a monkey wrench into the whole right-to-life pitch, just make believe rape babies don't exist. If you want to cut down on teen pregnancy, just tell curious kids with raging hormones to practice abstinence. Until they get married. Because everyone knows, that's when the fucking never stops. Health care? Not a problem if you just keep repeating, "We have the greatest health care in the world." Even though the U.N. ranks it 37th.

What's the solution to global warming? It's that it isn't real, and even if it is, big whoop, just buy an air conditioner, you pussy. Republicans also believe that putting the word "clean" next to the word "coal" creates something called clean coal. Even though there's the exact same amount of evidence for clean coal as there is for Todd Akin's mistaken baby makin' theory.

Republicans also believe if they kick all the Mexicans out of the country, the strawberries will pick themselves, and that if they cut the safety net all the poor blacks are "resting" in, they will fall gently to the ground, stand up, dust themselves off, and get good-paying jobs as Olympic gymnasts.

Next week in Tampa the Republicans must admit that the difference between a GOP convention and Comic-Con is that the people at Comic-Con have a much firmer grasp of reality.

Bill Maher is the host of HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher.

Celebrating 20 Years of Free the Animals

2012-04-30T13:30:03-04:00

Congratulations to PETA President Ingrid E. Newkirk on the new release of her radicalizing book Free the Animals.

For those of you who didn't read the book when it first came out 20 years ago, Free the Animals is written like a novel you might take to the beach or on a plane, but it's meaty and juicy inside. It tells the riveting, real-life story of the people who put on disguises, use fake IDs or jimmy their way into laboratories in order to carry out the daring rescues of animals used in experiments and of the insiders, the whistleblowers, who risk their jobs to help them. One of those rescues involved Britches, an infant macaque monkey who had his eyes stitched closed and some kind of electrical box put on his head in a really lame and truly bizarre experiment. When PETA released photographs of Britches with his eyelids sewn shut, it was a PR nightmare for his tormentors, who switched to doing more benign things -- not as benign as, say, knitting, but at least they stopped using baby monkeys.

Which brings us to something else that's changed since the book was first released: the widespread awareness that writing letters to your member of Congress isn't enough and that bold action is needed to get animals out of laboratories, where dogs and rabbits are treated as though they were pieces of lab equipment. That's something that the surprisingly normal members of the Animal Liberation Front discovered and is discussed in Free the Animals.

One of those labs, SEMA, was the site of a 1987 nighttime raid that blew the lid off the abysmal conditions for chimpanzees in laboratories. Video footage taken inside the facility revealed that baby chimpanzees were locked alone inside steel boxes so restrictive that these social animals banged their heads against the solid walls over and over again.

Much has changed, yet much remains the same in a world as large as ours. In one recent experiment at BIOQUAL, a biomedical research laboratory, six chimpanzees -- as young as 2 years old -- were taken from their mothers, caged, and exposed to norovirus, which causes diarrhea, vomiting, and stomach pain. What followed were months of painful biopsies in which bits of their organs were cut out. Don't tell me there's no other way, because there are lots of other ways to test cosmetics, floor cleaner and new drugs, to develop medicines and to show our military medics how to fix up injured soldiers on the battlefield. We just have to change our old habits and switch to new, modern ones.

Some people may still think it's OK to burn, shock, poison, starve, drown, and inflict brain damage on animals in laboratories, but polls show that the majority of us don't. We've evolved. We don't think it's acceptable to keep monkeys constantly thirsty to make them cooperate in exchange for a sip of juice or to force mice to swim to the point of exhaustion and drowning in order to simulate human depression. Thanks to video footage taken inside laboratories by PETA during undercover investigations, the entire public perception of animal experimentation has changed, and we want a better, more humane bang for our buck.

What the ALF was demanding and what even people who think it adventurous to send a postcard to L'Oreal asking the company not to test on animals are demanding is a switch to sophisticated non-animal research that typically takes less time to complete, is more applicable to humans, and costs only a fraction of the amount needed to feed a lab full of baboons and hire people to clean up their poop.

In the two decades since Free the Animals was first published, PETA has gotten animal experimenters prosecuted, persuaded hundreds of companies to stop testing products on animals, convinced government agencies to change testing requirements, convinced many facilities to use computerized manikins instead of animals for medical training exercises, funded the development of non-animal research methods for toxicity testing, convinced multiple airlines to stop shipping animals to labs, and much more.

Even scientists are catching on to the fact that torturing animals to try to fix human problems doesn't make sense. Last year, the Institute of Medicine released a landmark report concluding that "most current biomedical research use of chimpanzees is not necessary," and the National Nurses Association switched from cat intubation to human simulators. None of this would have been possible -- or even imaginable -- 20 years ago.

It's wrong to condemn dogs, mice, monkeys, and rabbits to a living death and constant fear by putting them in cold metal cages in a lab somewhere and treating them as if they don't matter. If you agree, and I hope you do, read Free the Animals -- it's an easy and absolutely thrilling read -- and then visit PETA.org to learn what's changed in the last 20 years, what still needs to be done, and how you can help.

L'avantage d'avoir été pauvre

2012-03-02T00:00:31-05:00

Si vous avez grandi aux États-Unis, il est probable que vous aimiez l'argent. Le plus vieux souvenir dont je peux me rappeler est celui d'avoir été puni pour avoir subtilisé un billet de cinq dollars qui traînait sur la commode de mon père. J'étais si jeune que mes notions du bien et du mal étaient encore floues. En tout cas, cette leçon m'aura appris deux choses: piquer c'est voler, et posséder de l'argent est agréable!

Après avoir quitté le nid familial à l'âge de 18 ans, mon niveau de vie de classe moyenne en a pris pour son rhume. J'ai étudié à l'université Cornell sans avoir un sou en poche - une réalité que trahissait malheureusement mon apparence physique. Les trois années que j'ai passées à « Collegetown » n'avaient rien de princier. La ville d'Ithaca, dans l'État de New York, est ni plus ni moins qu'une grosse cité universitaire en plein milieu de la campagne. Chaque année, des milliers d'étudiants y affluent et parmi ceux-ci, bon nombre choisissent de vivre en appartement plutôt que dans les résidences du campus. Dans ces conditions, il n'est pas étonnant que des propriétaires véreux laissent pourrir leurs logements locatifs.

Mais croyez-le ou non, les taudis d'Ithaca étaient luxueux en comparaison de ce qui m'attendait à New York en 1979, lorsque j'y ai débuté ma carrière de comédien. J'ai habité durant un an sur la 99ième rue, dans le quartier Spanish Harlem. Il fallait monter cinq étages à pied, et la toilette commune se trouvait au fond du corridor. Il n'y avait pas de douche, mais je pouvais visser un tuyau sur le robinet de l'évier afin de me laver dans une bassine au beau milieu de la cuisine.

Chaque soir, je revenais à pied des cafés-théâtres du chic Upper East Side. Les rues devenaient de plus en plus glauques au fur et à mesure que j'avançais vers le nord. Personne ne m'a jamais volé car en un coup d'œil, les pickpockets comprenaient que je n'en valais pas la peine. Curieuse sensation de liberté que celle de n'avoir plus rien à perdre!

Ma situation a évolué à un point tel que, 33 ans plus tard, j'ai fait un don d'un million de dollars à un comité d'action politique afin de soutenir le président métissé que vous connaissez bien. N'en déplaise à mes amis progressistes trop complaisants, ce président ne gagnera pas l'élection de 2012 sans y mettre un certain effort.

Le grand avantage d'avoir été pauvre est que vous vous sentez beaucoup plus libre le jour où vous devenez riche. Après avoir réussi à survivre sans argent ou presque, la liasse de billets sous le matelas n'a plus besoin d'être aussi épaisse pour garantir un sommeil réparateur.

Quelques personnes de mon entourage s'étonnent encore que j'aie pu verser un don aussi important. Je dois leur rappeler que j'anime des émissions de télévision depuis 1993. Le petit écran paye bien - je dois même avoir laissé traîner un autre million à quelque part !

À chaque mois de décembre, je rends visite à mon comptable afin de faire le bilan de l'année. Celui-ci ne manque jamais de me dire que je suis le plus économe de ses clients. Cela m'étonne toujours, puisque j'ai l'impression de vivre dans l'abondance et de ne manquer de rien. Je lui ai donc demandé de me parler de ses autres clients. À ma connaissance, ceux-ci disposent de fortunes beaucoup plus importantes que la mienne.

Mon comptable a répondu que ses clients font toutes sortes de dépenses frivoles, mais que les modes changeantes n'en sont pas la cause. Dans une certaine classe sociale, il semblerait qu'il faille flamber tout l'argent aussi vite qu'on le gagne, afin de ne rien laisser à notre mort!

Quant à moi, je n'ai pas de goûts de luxe. Je ne collectionne pas les voitures, les œuvres d'art ou les bijoux. J'ai cessé de prendre de l'héroïne il y a fort longtemps. Lorsque j'ai remis un chèque d'un million de dollars à Priorities USA Action la semaine dernière, j'ai tenu à rappeler que plusieurs personnes pourraient contribuer autant que moi, sinon plus.

Vous savez, Hollywood est le seul endroit aux États-Unis où les millionnaires et milliardaires sont progressistes - à l'exception peut-être de la Silicon Valley et du Vermont (où habitent les fondateurs des crèmes glacées Ben & Jerry's).

14 des 16 milliardaires américains qui ont contribué aux comités d'action politique cette année l'ont fait pour soutenir des candidats républicains. Le Parti républicain est plus que jamais le « parti des riches ».
Avant le jugement Citizens United, rendu par la Cour suprême en 2010, la contribution maximale qu'un citoyen pouvait verser à un candidat politique était de 2300 $. Ce plafond a sauté, et la contribution est désormais illimitée. Le Parti républicain part donc avec une longueur d'avance, et la réélection de Barack Obama est loin d'être dans le sac.

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The Great Thing About Having Been Poor

2012-03-01T00:00:00-05:00

If you grow up in America, it's pretty rare if you don't love money. One of the first things I ever remember being punished for was stealing money. Five dollars, off my father's dresser. I was so little, I don't think I even knew it was wrong to take something that wasn't specifically mine -- I recall this being my introduction to the concept of "larceny is bad." But somehow, I knew it was good to have cash.

After I left my middle class household at 18, standard of living took a real tumble for a while. At Cornell, I had no money, and boy did I look it. They called where I lived the last three years Collegetown, but Collegetown was really slums in a rural setting. Landlords did not have to work that hard in Ithaca, N.Y. -- every year, there was fresh supply of eager tenants among the students who didn't want to live in a sorority or fraternity. It was a sweet market for a slumlord.

But even that looked good compared to what was waiting for me as I began my illustrious career as a standup comedian in New York City in 1979. First year I lived on 99th Street in Spanish Harlem, a five-floor walk up, toilet down the hall. No shower -- a tub that sat in the kitchen with a snake-like attachment that hooked up to the kitchen sink. Walked home every night from the comedy clubs on the tony Upper East Side, watching the neighborhoods become poorer and scarier as I made my way north, and I'm sure the only reason I was never robbed was, they took one look at me and knew it wasn't worth the trouble. Sometimes, freedom really is just another word for nothing left to lose.

And yet, in a short 33 years, things had turned around enough so that I was able to give a million dollars to the super PAC of a certain mixed-race president who, I would like to remind all my overconfident progressive friends, does NOT have this election in the bag. And a lot of people this last week have said the same thing to me: "You're not picking up the drinks tonight?"

The great thing about having been poor is how liberated it makes you if you eventually become rich. There's nothing like the knowledge that you don't need money to survive. That the money cushion you lie on every night doesn't have to be three feet thick, and you can still get to sleep.

Other people seemed surprised I had a million dollars, which amused me. I've had a television show since 1993; television pays well -- I may even have another million lying around somewhere. Every year when I visit my accountant in December to see how the year went, he always says I'm the best saver of all his clients, which amazes me, because I feel like I deprive myself of absolutely nothing. I once asked him, what do your other clients spend their money on? Because I know who some of his other clients are, and I know they make WAY more than I do. He said that what they spend their money on is always changing, and that's not even the point -- the point is, however much money they make that year, they always spend all of it! That's how they think: have money, spend it, because the real tragedy would be to die and have money left over.

Me? I just don't have expensive tastes I guess -- I don't collect cars or paintings or jewelry, and I gave up my heroin habit years ago. But I also know that, as I said when I presented that giant check to Priorities USA Action last Thursday at the end of my stand up special on Yahoo!, "This hurts!" I was trying to make the point that if I could do it, a lot of other people could do it a lot more easily than me. You know, the only place in America where the millionaires and billionaires are predominantly liberal is here in Hollywood -- with the possible exception of Silicon Valley and Ben & Jerry's ice cream. There's a reason that of the 16 billionaires that have contributed to super PACs this year, 14 have given to Republicans. It is generally the party of the rich. And in a post-Citizens United world, the party of the rich has an advantage like they've never had before. In 2008, the most you could give to a candidate was $2,300. Now it's Infinity. No, the election is not in the bag.

Republican Debate Review

2012-02-23T07:55:44-05:00

The Republicans sure have the right symbol with the elephant. Republican debates are nothing but elephants in the room.

The biggest of which must be: to someone out there who's hurting, they spend the whole two hours yammering away about earmarks and illegal immigrants and contraception and every other peripheral, wish-I-had-the-time-to-worry-about-it issue they can think of.

Then there is the elephant of how they all -- with the sometime exception of Ron Paul -- nod along to insane statements just because they don't want to ever look like they're to the left of anybody, on anything, especially the evilness of Barack Obama. So Wednesday night when Newt said the president of the United States had a history of practicing infanticide... yep, yep, yessir, that's what he does all right. Clubs infants like baby seals in his spare time. Ike played golf, Kennedy liked boating...

Ron Paul said foreign aid just helps our enemies. Which, I believe, would make Israel and Egypt our two biggest enemies. Yup, yup, hate foreign aid. A meaningless percentage of the budget, btw.

Newt said where government becomes the central provider of services, it's a move towards tyranny -- yeah, except in all the countries where it isn't, like all of Scandanavia and much of Europe. Today a barium enema paid for by medicare, tomorrow Poland.

And isn't a highlight of every debate when Mitt Romney takes umbrage at being accused of the best thing he ever did in his life -- Romneycare? Something he should be proud of? Last night he took out his dueling glove and declared that when he was governor, he made sure there was NO requirement from the church to provide morning after pills for rape victims. They will be punished with a baby, as Jesus would want. Mitt's attitude is always, "How dare you accuse me of helping people or being compassionate! Why, I'll have you know I'm every bit as much of a cold hearted bastard as any of these other pricks up here with me!"

"But Mitt, we have a picture of you giving money to a homeless person."

"I did NOT give a bum money! I was paying him to blow me!"

This Republican field over the last year has been such a comedy gold mine -- which I have compacted into a stand-up special I'm doing Thursday night, February 23, called #CrazyStupidPolitics -- it's free, and it's live-streamed on Yahoo! 10:30 Eastern (with a mindblowing announcement at the end). I apologize for the shameful plug, but I just want you to have a good laugh! Thank you Arianna, you're the best... and now back to our blog.

The biggest elephant in the room tonight for me was Satan. All day, TV news was talking about Satan because of Rick Santorum's dug-up (but, no doubt still accurate) comments about Satan from 2008. It just shows you how when someone is a nobody politically speaking -- as Santorum was in 2008 -- you can say any kind of crazy shit and it's not newsworthy. But when you are seeking the highest office in the land... in the world -- it really worries me that you believe in demons and a personified creature named Satan.

People get mad at me for using the phrase "this stupid country", which I sometimes do -- but, I'm sorry -- Satan? In 2012? This elephant is not only in the room at the debates, but everywhere on TV today where people were talking about this and not breaking down in the middle and screaming, Wait a minute -- We're modern people, surely we don't give any credence to this comic book character that was created in the bronze age!! It's barely worthy of a children's story, and people take it to the Oval Office -- Bush did -- and it affects their thinking and our lives. Why is Santorum so against contraception? Because there's a line in Genesis about not spilling your seed. A random brainfart from some desert dweller 3,000 years ago, before people knew about germs or atoms or round planets, and it gets written down and passed down and in 2012 people like Rick Santorum are still too R-word to see that, and that's why some woman in Akron, Ohio might not get birth control.

And as far as Rick's claim tonight that even though he holds these beliefs, he wouldn't legislate them? Bullshit -- he said states absolutely had the right to outlaw contraception. That's the same thing -- as an officer of the government, he should take the opposite position. Ron Paul would.

My favorite moment of the debate was the last question, when they all were asked to summarize themselves in one word: Ron Paul said "consistency," and you know what? I have no argument with that. It's true, and he's earned it.

The other ones however, I think I could find a more honest word. Mitt Romney said "resolute." I would have gone with "shapeshifter." Or perhaps "irresolute." Rick Santorum said "courage" , whereas I would have said "Bellevue." And Newt Gingrich said "cheerful." I was thinking "pus."

One other thing: in the overtime, I heard Ron Paul make the point to John King that his foreign policy was similar to Eisenhower's, how Ike avoided getting militarily involved in Vietnam or the Suez Canal and got out of Korea. Because he was a military man. Ron Paul served, also -- the other three not so much. I know it will never become law, because it would require a constitutional amendment, but I don't think it would be such a bad thing if you had to have served in the military if you wanted to be president. Kennedy also avoided war where many would not have. After him, though, we got into the era of non-servers and draft-dodgers, and used the military like a toy. Ex-soldiers understand it's not. And the president is Commander-in-Chief -- shouldn't you have served some time in an organization you're the head of?

I hope this was the last Republican debate. Well, I say that, but I'll need the material after I use up an hour of good jokes tomorrow night, so, fuck it, keep going.

Last bullshit call: In his closing statement, Rick Santorum said that in the race against the Evil One (no, not that Evil One, he was talking about Obama), the president would have the media in his pocket (yeah, except Fox News, lots of newspapers, all of radio... ), and way more money. Huh? Sheldon Adelson this week said he might give $100 million to Newt Gingrich! If he'd give that to Newt who has no chance, he might give more to Romney. And he's just one old cranky billionaire who hates Obama, there's a whole gaggle of them.

And Sheldon, if you want to blow money so bad, just walk into one of your hotels in Vegas and go to the Roulette table.

TV: A Box Full of Good Memories

2011-12-14T00:00:00-05:00

On the inevitable occasion of the Huffington Post's entrée into television, it behooves me to say a few words about the business, and occasional art, of television. Because if HuffPost's getting into TV, really, how much longer before Arianna takes that over and I'm working for her full-time? Five years? Ten years? I feel like France in 1936.

I've seen a lot of change in the time I've been doing television -- when Politically Incorrect went on in 1993, we were still in a much more innocent time technologically -- not many of us had cellphones yet, and we still rented moves at Blockbuster, found out what movies were playing by looking in the newspaper, which we used to get and read; we were still taking disc players to listen to music on the airplane, with individual CDs. Skype was in science fiction movies. iPod wasn't even in science fiction movies.

And yet, TV endures. People are watching more TV than ever -- you just never know what people want to cling to. Movies, too. No matter what comes out, we are still humans who need reasons to get out of the house and do something. All the syrupy drama about sitting in the dark -- yeah, once in a while, but mostly it's about doing something on a date where you don't have to talk. And TV? Obviously, people want to get something from this thing that isn't on a computer at all. TV is better for when you're doing something else, like ironing or packing or cooking -- mostly when I watch TV, I'm doing something else. Or I watch it in bed, and I don't like electronic devices in bed. I like one electronic device in bed, a nice big phat TV at the end of it.

I've seen TV get dirtier, and I've also helped. I was the first person to say "sucks" on TV -- in 1983 I did a joke during my fourth or fifth appearance on Carson during my little six-minute -- that meant six minutes, not seven and not five -- monologue spot (I had yet to be invited on the couch), and I said, as a punch line to a joke I no longer remember, "the airport sucks." And they were all upset about it after the show, but for some reason they didn't bleep it, and then three nights later I saw Carson say "sucks" in a joke about the premier of the Soviet Union! Ah, Cold War memories.

A guy who really helped me get into television was Steve Allen. When I was making my first appearances on TV in 1982 he talked me up and used me in anything he could. I loved him -- exact same guy on and off the air. There was no getting to know him deeply, but who cares, he was funny, nice, helpful, humble, welcoming, genuine -- don't be greedy. And he was a bit of a square and a prude; or maybe he was just from a different era, when men wore hats and ties to baseball games, and people didn't say "ballsweat" on broadcast television. I remember -- and still have -- a letter he wrote me when I was doing Politically Incorrect -- complaining about what a potty mouth I am. I am, Steve, and I'm sorry. It makes me giggle.

I love talking television trends with my friend Jim Vallely, half the genius behind Arrested Development -- he's unbelievably savvy about seeing what's ahead. I, not so much. For example, I would have bet money that Leno at 10 would work. And when I'm wrong like that, it's a great teaching moment for me. When America went, "No, we want a high production value 10 o'clock drama. We are adults, we work hard all day, now the kids are in bed, we deserve something with kissing and explosions filmed in Panavision." Just like in politics: people complain about the product, but they get the product they deserve. People say there's not enough innovation, but when NBC tried it, they got their head handed to them. It'll be 50 years before these guys put on anything but procedural cop shows and vampires. (Idea: vampires who are procedural detectives -- let's see who runs with it...)

TV helps my mood: I think it does for many people. That's why people leave it on all day. It's a box full of good memories.

On Being Over 50

2011-10-03T00:00:00-04:00

I almost cried the other night when Arianna mentioned that HuffPost was
launching Huff/Post50, and did I have any thoughts about being over 50...

Any? Unfortunately, I have nothing but thoughts about being over 50.

I remember seeing Alan King in Atlantic City in the '80s (when I was a
young comedian) and he said, "I'm 56, and people say I'm middle aged -- who
do you know who lives to be 112?"

I'm 55. It was funnier then.

The thing about your fifties is, you're not nearly over (if you're lucky)
-- in fact, lots of ambitious people are peaking -- but it is the first time
in your life that you can see over the crest of the mountain and down into
the Valley below -- you know, Death. Death is the monster we all fear, yet
with each day, we walk toward it, and can't help doing so; we can't help
but walk toward the one thing we're most trying to avoid.

Little things remind you of this all the time -- like minor cuts taking
longer to heal than they used to. It doesn't cause you any health
problems, but it reminds you your body is not replacing cells as fast as
it used to, and the ones it is sending are inferior copies of their
predecessors. That's why we age, and look progressively worse as the years
pass: just like a photocopy or a video tape that looks slightly worse each
time its copied, we are constantly copying ourselves and coming out a
little inferior every time. Merry Christmas.

However... the one thing that does seem to get better, at least so far, is
the brain -- you know, so you can be more aware of the depressing physical
part! But hey, the depressing physical part also gives you an urgency to
life that is really quite irreplaceable. When you're young, you don't
appreciate! And learning to appreciate life is almost better than being
young and ignoring it.

At least that's my story, and I'm sticking with it.

I'll be performing at the Gibson Amphitheatre in Los Angeles on November 5th. For more info, click here.

New Rule: Americans Must Realize What Makes NFL Football So Great: Socialism

2011-01-28T17:45:02-05:00

New Rule: With the Super Bowl only a week away, Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, for all the F-15 flyovers and flag waving, football is our most successful sport because the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives it to the poor teams... just like President Obama wants to do with his secret army of ACORN volunteers. Green Bay, Wisconsin has a population of 100,000. Yet this sleepy little town on the banks of the Fuck-if-I-know River has just as much of a chance of making it to the Super Bowl as the New York Jets - who next year need to just shut the hell up and play.

Now, me personally, I haven't watched a Super Bowl since 2004, when Janet Jackson's nipple popped out during half time, and that split-second glimpse of an unrestrained black titty burned my eyes and offended me as a Christian. But I get it - who doesn't love the spectacle of juiced-up millionaires giving each other brain damage on a giant flat-screen TV with a picture so realistic it feels like Ben Roethlisberger is in your living room, grabbing your sister?

It's no surprise that some 100 million Americans will watch the Super Bowl next week - that's 40 million more than go to church on Christmas - suck on that, Jesus! It's also 85 million more than watched the last game of the World Series, and in that is an economic lesson for America. Because football is built on an economic model of fairness and opportunity, and baseball is built on a model where the rich almost always win and the poor usually have no chance. The World Series is like Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. You have to be a rich bitch just to play. The Super Bowl is like Tila Tequila. Anyone can get in.

Or to put it another way, football is more like the Democratic philosophy. Democrats don't want to eliminate capitalism or competition, but they'd like it if some kids didn't have to go to a crummy school in a rotten neighborhood while others get to go to a great school and their Dad gets them into Harvard. Because when that happens "achieving the American dream" is easy for some, and just a fantasy for others.

That's why the NFL runs itself in a way that would fit nicely on Glenn Beck's chalkboard - they literally share the wealth, through salary caps and revenue sharing - TV is their biggest source of revenue, and they put all of it in a big commie pot and split it 32 ways. Because they don't want anyone to fall too far behind. That's why the team that wins the Super Bowl picks last in the next draft. Or what the Republicans would call "punishing success."

Baseball, on the other hand, is exactly like the Republicans, and I don't just mean it's incredibly boring. I mean their economic theory is every man for himself. The small market Pittsburgh Steelers go to the Super Bowl more than anybody - but the Pittsburgh Pirates? Levi Johnston has sperm that will not grow up and live long enough to see the Pirates in a World Series. Their payroll is about $40 million, and the Yankees is $206 million. They have about as much chance at getting in the playoffs as a poor black teenager from Newark has of becoming the CEO of Halliburton. That's why people stop going to Pirate games in May, because if you're not in the game, you become indifferent to the fate of the game, and maybe even get bitter - that's what's happening to the middle class in America. It's also how Marie Antoinette lost her head.

So, you kind of have to laugh - the same angry white males who hate Obama because he's "redistributing wealth" just love football, a sport that succeeds economically because it does exactly that. To them, the NFL is as American as hot dogs, Chevrolet, apple pie, and a second, giant helping of apple pie. But then again, they think they're macho because their sport is football, when honestly - is there anything gayer than wearing another man's shirt?

New Rule: Christine O'Donnell Has to Stop Saying "I'm You" in Her Campaign Ads

2010-10-22T18:54:29-04:00

New Rule: Christine O'Donnell has to stop saying, "I'm you" in her campaign ads. It doesn't get truer the more you say it. Because it's not a spell. And also because a recent poll by Harvard confirms that my views are actually more aligned with America's views than are Christine's or Sarah Palin's or Carl Paladino's or any of the other nuts that spilled out of the nut bag this year.

When I hear Christine O'Donnell say "I'm you" I take it personally, because I think back to how our love-making was so raw and powerful it was hard to know where my body ended and hers began, but if I were you, I'd really want her to stop saying she was you. Eighty-six percent of Tea-baggers think climate change is a hoax -- that's not you! Tea Partiers want to repeal the health care law, but two thirds of AMERICANS either like it or want it to go further. Fifty-nine percent of AMERICANS support gay marriage and civil unions. The Tea Partiers support traditional gender roles, where men are in charge, like Glenn Beck, and women are soft and emotionally fragile, with spooky mood swings, like Glenn Beck. Six in ten Americans think illegal Mexicans should have a path to citizenship and be allowed to stay here. And the other four in ten are illegal Mexicans.

Now, I know that you Tea-baggers at home are already blogging, "If Americans are like you, Bill, then how come the Republicans are going to take over the Congress?" First of all, thank you for watching my show, I know there's wrestling on another channel. And second, to answer your question, the Democrats will lose because A) they don't brag about their achievements, and B) they never get it that these days you have to sum up your message in one succinct phrase, like "We'll cut your taxes," or "Here's a photo of my penis."

Which brings me to the one succinct phrase that could keep the Democrats in power in 2012: "We'll legalize pot." I'm not saying this just to get cheap applause. I'm saying it because reliable surveys tell us that there's only one thing that will rouse our precious youth to the polls the way Jackass in 3D got them out to the theaters, and that's pot. It's the unwritten second half of Obama's slogan. "Yes We Can...Get High at the Mall."

In the legalization of marijuana, the Democrats finally could have something they've always wanted: a wedge issue. Remember wedge issues? Things like gay marriage and prayer in school and other bullshit that Republicans used for years to get hillbillies to the polls? That's how Bush got elected in 2004 -- Karl Rove put gay marriage on the ballot in eleven key states, knowing that all the Christian shit-kickers would come out against boys kissing and stick around to pull the lever for Bungles the Clown.

Nationwide, young people 18-29 are expected to make up just six percent of those voting in the midterms. Six percent! I've seen more young people than that at Larry King's canasta parties. But here in California, where Proposition 19 on the ballot would legalize weed, the kids are expected to make up twelve percent of the voters. Still pathetic: but to go from six percent to twelve percent, that's...well, I'm a little stoned right now, but a lot.

Bill Maher is the host of HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher.

New Rule: If a Woman Rejects Your First Dozen Advances, Don't Send Her a Picture of Your Penis

2010-10-15T17:46:57-04:00

New Rule: If a woman rejects your first dozen advances, don't up the ante by sending her a picture of your penis. This week, we found out that Vikings quarterback Brett Favre allegedly tried to get with a young woman by sending her MySpace messages, voicemails, and notes through a friend, and when none of that worked, and it was third and long -- though, not as long as most of us would have imagined -- he decided to throw the Hail Mary and sext her pictures of Little Brett to close the deal. Brett, I get it: Your dictionary doesn't include the word "quit" or "retire" or "married" but you've got to at least understand "punt." You know the worst part about having sex with Brett Favre? He keeps saying he's finished, and then he comes back to drag it out for another year.

To me, this story isn't about sports or sex or how necessary caller ID is -- it's about how pathetic and clueless white American males have become. Because the kind of guy who thinks there are women out there who just, cold, want to see your cock, is the same kind of guy who thinks Sarah Palin is swell and tax cuts pay for themselves. I will explain that connection further, but first let's just dwell for one more moment on how stupid it is to forget that in 2010 when you text someone a picture of your genitals, you're not just sending it to that person, but to every person she has in her contacts... and then everyone on the planet who has access to the Internet. Somewhere right now there's a tribesman in Samoa thinking, "Brett Favre is texting a picture of his dick to a woman? That shit never works."

And he's right -- no woman in the history of mankind has ever wanted to see a picture of a penis. Go back to the earliest cave paintings. The very first one is of a cock, and after that they're all antelopes and sunrises. But for some reason men persist. Why? Because men have always been in charge, especially white men. Brett Favre is like a lot of white males: he's owned the world for so long, he's going a little crazy now that he doesn't. Also, like many white men across the country, he lost his job to a Mexican, (i.e. Jets Quarterback Mark Sanchez).

If Brett Favre's penis could talk, what would it say? Well, other than, "No photos please," I think it would say, "I'm not a witch. I'm you." Because for hundreds of years white penises were America. White penises founded America, they made the rules and they called the shots in the workplace, in the home, and at the ballot box. But now the unthinkable is happening. White penises are becoming the minority: 2010 was the first year in which more minority babies were born in the U.S. than white babies. This is what conservatives are really upset about -- that the president is black, and the best golfer is black, and the Secretary of State is a woman, and suddenly this country is way off track and needs some serious 'restoring.' If penises could cry -- and I believe they can -- then white penises are crying all over America.

And that's where this crew comes in; Sarah Palin, Christine O'Donnell, Michele Bachmann; the lovely MILFs of the new right. And their little secret is that their popularity comes exclusively from white men. Look at the polling: minorities hate them, women hate them -- only white men like them. I'm no psychiatrist, but I do own a couch, and my theory is that these women represent something those men miss dearly: the traditional, idiot housewife. Writing on your hand is sheer Lucy. If an election between Obama and Sarah Palin were held today, and only white men could vote, Sarah Palin would be president. Did you know that in 1788, when there were four million people in America, only 39,000 of them -- the richest white men -- got to vote? That doesn't sound good to you? Well, what if I threw in a picture of my cock? Which brings me back to Brett Favre, and I think it's worth noting that in one of the alleged photos of him, he's pleasuring himself on a bed while wearing Crocs. And if you think about it, is there any better metaphor for the sad state of America today than an over-the-hill white guy lazily masturbating in plastic shoes?

New Rule: Rich People Who Complain About Being Vilified Should Be Vilified

2010-09-24T08:50:09-04:00

New Rule: The next rich person who publicly complains about being vilified by the Obama administration must be publicly vilified by the Obama administration. It's so hard for one person to tell another person what constitutes being "rich", or what tax rate is "too much." But I've done some math that indicates that, considering the hole this country is in, if you are earning more than a million dollars a year and are complaining about a 3.6% tax increase, then you are by definition a greedy asshole.

And let's be clear: that's 3.6% only on income above 250 grand -- your first 250, that's still on the house. Now, this week we got some horrible news: that one in seven Americans are now living below the poverty line. But I want to point you to an American who is truly suffering: Ben Stein. You know Ben Stein, the guy who got rich because when he talks it sounds so boring it's actually funny. He had a game show on Comedy Central, does eye drop commercials, doesn't believe in evolution? Yeah, that asshole. I kid Ben -- so, the other day Ben wrote an article about his struggle. His struggle as a wealthy person facing the prospect of a slightly higher marginal tax rate. Specifically, Ben said that when he was finished paying taxes and his agents, he was left with only 35 cents for every dollar he earned. Which is shocking, Ben Stein has an agent? I didn't know Broadway Danny Rose was still working.

Ben whines in his article about how he's worked for every dollar he has -- if by work you mean saying the word "Bueller" in a movie 25 years ago. Which doesn't bother me in the slightest, it's just that at a time when people in America are desperate and you're raking in the bucks promoting some sleazy Free Credit Score dot-com... maybe you shouldn't be asking us for sympathy. Instead, you should be down on your knees thanking God and/or Ronald Reagan that you were lucky enough to be born in a country where a useless schmuck who contributes absolutely nothing to society can somehow manage to find himself in the top marginal tax bracket.

And you're welcome to come on the show anytime.

Now I can hear you out there saying, "Come on Bill, don't be so hard on Ben Stein, he does a lot of voiceover work, and that's hard work." Ok, it's true, Ben is hardly the only rich person these days crying like a baby who's fallen off his bouncy seat. Last week Mayor Bloomberg of New York complained that all his wealthy friends are very upset with mean ol' President Poopy-Pants: He said they all say the same thing: "I knew I was going to have to pay more taxes. But I didn't expect to be vilified." Poor billionaires -- they just can't catch a break.

First off, far from being vilified, we bailed you out -- you mean we were supposed to give you all that money and kiss your ass, too? That's Hollywood you're thinking of. FDR, he knew how to vilify; this guy, not so much. And second, you should have been vilified -- because you're the vill-ains! I'm sure a lot of you are very nice people. And I'm sure a lot of you are jerks. In other words, you're people. But you are the villains. Who do you think outsourced all the jobs, destroyed the unions, and replaced workers with desperate immigrants and teenagers in China. Joe the Plumber?

And right now, while we run trillion dollar deficits, Republicans are holding America hostage to the cause of preserving the Bush tax cuts that benefit the wealthiest 1% of people, many of them dead. They say that we need to keep taxes on the rich low because they're the job creators. They're not. They're much more likely to save money through mergers and outsourcing and cheap immigrant labor, and pass the unemployment along to you.

Americans think rich people must be brilliant; no -- just ruthless. Meg Whitman is running for Governor out here, and her claim to fame is, she started e-Bay. Yes, Meg tapped into the Zeitgeist, the zeitgeist being the desperate need of millions of Americans to scrape a few dollars together by selling the useless crap in their garage. What is e-Bay but a big cyber lawn sale that you can visit without putting your clothes on?

Another of my favorites, Congresswoman Michele Bachmann said, "I don't know where they're going to get all this money, because we're running out of rich people in this country." Actually, we have more billionaires here in the U.S. than all the other countries in the top ten combined, and their wealth grew 27% in the last year. Did yours? Truth is, there are only two things that the United States is not running out of: Rich people and bullshit. Here's the truth: When you raise taxes slightly on the wealthy, it obviously doesn't destroy the economy -- we know this, because we just did it -- remember the '90's? It wasn't that long ago. You were probably listening to grunge music, or dabbling in witchcraft. Clinton moved the top marginal rate from 36 to 39% -- and far from tanking, the economy did so well he had time to get his dick washed.

Even 39% isn't high by historical standards. Under Eisenhower, the top tax rate was 91%. Under Nixon, it was 70%. Obama just wants to kick it back to 39 -- just three more points for the very rich. Not back to 91, or 70. Three points. And they go insane. Steve Forbes said that Obama, quote "believes from his inner core that people... above a certain income have more than they should have and that many probably have gotten it from ill-gotten ways." Which they have. Steve Forbes, of course, came by his fortune honestly: he inherited it from his gay egg-collecting, Elizabeth Taylor fag-hagging father, who inherited it from his father. Of course then they moan about the inheritance tax, how the government took 55% percent when Daddy died -- which means you still got 45% for doing nothing more than starting out life as your father's pecker-snot.

We don't hate rich people, but have a little humility about how you got it and stop complaining. Maybe the worst whiner of all: Stephen Schwarzman, #69 on Forbes' list of richest Americans, compared Obama's tax hike to "when Hitler invaded Poland in 1939." Wow. If Obama were Hitler, Mr. Schwarzman, I think your tax rate would be the least of your worries.

Bill Maher is host of HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher", Friday's at 10:00PM

New Rule: Nurse Tacky

2010-06-15T15:21:25-04:00

Check out Real Time with Bill Maher live Fridays at 10PM ET/PT - Only On HBO.

New Rule: Al Gore Must Come Out With a Sequel to His Film and Call It An Inconvenient Truth 2: What the F*ck Is Wrong With You People?

2010-06-04T17:30:26-04:00

New Rule: Al Gore must come out with a sequel to his movie about climate change and call it, An Inconvenient Truth 2: What the Fuck Is Wrong with You People? A bunch of depressing new surveys reveal that people in droves are starting to believe that global warming is a hoax -- and this time, it's not just us. People are always accusing me of hating America and calling it stupid, so tonight I'd like to take a few moments to hate England and call it stupid. Because now English people don't believe in global warming either. I thought the English were smarter than that. The home of Newton and Darwin. I can't believe we let these people build our exploding oil platforms.

Even scarier is why people have stopped thinking global warming is real. One major reason pollsters say is we had a very cold, snowy winter. Which is like saying the sun might not be real because last night it got dark. And my car's not real because I can't find my keys.

That's the problem with our obsession with always seeing two sides of every issue equally -- especially when one side has a lot of money. It means we have to pretend there are always two truths, and the side that doesn't know anything has something to say. On this side of the debate: Every scientist in the world. On the other: Mr. Potato Head.

There is no debate here -- just scientists vs. non-scientists, and since the topic is science, the non-scientists don't get a vote. We shouldn't decide everything by polling the masses. Just because most people believe something doesn't make it true. This is the fallacy called argumentum ad numeram: the idea that something is true because great numbers believe it. As in: Eat shit, 20 trillion flies can't be wrong.

Or take this recent headline: "TV weathercasters divided on global warming." Who gives a shit? My TV weathercaster is a bimbo with big tits who used to be on a soap opera on Telemundo. Media, could you please stop pitting the ignorant vs. the educated and framing it as a "debate." The other day, I saw a professor from the Union of Concerned Scientists face off against a distinguished expert on Tea Partying, whose brilliant analysis, recently published in the New England Journal of Grasping at Straws, was that we shouldn't teach climate science in schools because kids find it scary. As they should. I hope they're peeing in their pants.

The last decade, year, and month are all the hottest on record. Then there's the killing of the oceans, floods, Category 5 hurricanes, heat waves, giant wild fires, and the vanishing water supply. You know, the little things. And yet deniers say, it's just a theory. As is gravity. For progress to happen, certain things have to become not an issue anymore, so we can go on to the next issue. Evolution was an issue until overwhelming consensus among scientists made it not an issue.

When I was 6-years-old, it was an issue how babies were born. There were conflicting theories, and there was not a consensus -- some thought a stork brought babies, others contended you bought them at the hospital, the Catholic boys said the Holy Ghost brought them -- and one kid said that girls had sort of a -- as he described it -- flap in front and that men put their penises in it. This seemed the least likely. And yet by the time we reached age 11, even though we still had, none of us, actually seen the flap -- the consensus of opinion was overwhelming for the penis-vagina theory -- it was no longer an issue.

Devastating, worldwide climate change is happening, whether you phone in and vote for it or not. You can't vote for rain. What's real is what's real, and, like it or not, no one can change the nature of reality. Except, of course, with mushrooms.